Facts.

I'm almost always extremely impatient.
I want everything to be done quickly.
I get so lost in the story when I'm reading books that people have to touch me to bring me back.
I love being hugged for no reason.
Or when I'm least expecting it.
Sometimes when I ask what you are thinking,
I want you to ask me back so I can tell you,
but it might be something that I can't just come out and say.
I eat my food in the order of what I like least to best.
My bad moods can be turned into good moods by the simplest thing.
I eat fruit loops in a specific order.
Yellow, Orange, Red, Purple, Blue then green.
I had to stop eating them because they got soggy before I was done.
If I eat soup that has potato in it I eat that first every time.
I take my dreams way to seriously.
I take what people say way to seriously.
Sometimes I like to just sit back and watch everyone.
I have a teddy bear that has a little hoodie and when something is wrong I put his hood up.
People who are important to me I ask them if they have a hoodie they don't wear anymore.
And I keep it on my bed and cuddle with it when I miss them.
I have a pair of boxers from everyone I've dated since 6th grade.
I sometimes shut out people just to see if they care enough to try and break through the wall.
I have voices inside my head that I talk to a lot.
We can hold conversations.
Their names are Jessica and Jolyne.
Jessica doesn't like most anyone.
I absolutely hate being tickled by anyone but a few people and only can I stand it sometimes.
If someone touches my throat regardless of who they are I lose control.
I grab their arm and throw it away,
I usually end up clawing off skin.
I hate sleeping partially because of my dreams,
the rest because I waste to much time sleeping.
I cry silently because my step-mom used to hit me for crying,
so I learned to be silent so she wouldn't catch me.
I have separation anxiety.
And ADHD.
My councler and friends think I may be pi-polar.
One time I pretended I was my friends boyfriend just because I could pull off looking like a guy.
Sometimes when I tell you to leave me alone all I want is for you to do the exact opposite.
I used to make a big deal out of getting hurt and my mom used to get mad at me for it,
now when I get hurt I play it way down and end up making it worse because of it.
I utterly despise sleeping alone.
In the middle of the night is usually when I lay awake and think to much,
I usually end up crying.
Sometimes I will eat my food in a weird order when I know my mom is watching just to throw her off.
I get angry and upset when people don't call me back.
I will wait by the phone or online for hours on end just to talk to someone for a few minutes.
I'm mean to people on purpose sometimes just to see if they will tolerate it.
Sometimes I laugh when little kids cry,
even though I hate myself for doing it.
I'm extremely hard to wake up for most people.
I like to pretend I'm asleep so I can hear what people say.
My life is full of a bunch of little acts.
I lie a lot.
I'm terrified of my friends parents.
If I'm in someones house or room I wont touch anything without asking.
I am afraid of people calling me annoying because someone I trusted once said to me,
'you are annoying and I don't want to be your friend anymore'
I hate to guess because I feel stupid if I get it wrong.
I absolutely hate feeling stupid.
I hate making promises because I hate even more to break them.
When I hurt someone I care for it sends a stabbing pain up my back and into my arms.
It even happens when I see them get hurt.
Sometimes I make myself vulnerable just to see what someone will do.
I love to sing but I hate it when people hear me sing.
I love to dance but I hate it when people see me dance.
I only ever offer to perform for someone if I really want them to watch me.
It is really easy to make me feel stupid.
I'm more insecure than anyone knows.
I like it when I get bruises.
Even though I stopped cutting I still find ways to hurt myself on 'accident'
I regret promising that person that I wouldn't cut.
For a year I was afraid of the color pink.
I have a strange fascination with blood.
It bothers me if someone sees me cry and I haven't seen them cry.
I cry more than anyone knows.
I love to argue with my teachers.
I can't stand the silence because I start hearing things.
I can make myself believe a lie.
There are people who I trust more than I trust myself.
I'm always afraid people think I'm lieing when I tell them about Jessica and Jolyne.
Sometimes I'm even afraid I'm lieing to myself about them.
I over think almost everything.
Rarely do I ever say something without thinking it through first.
I censor almost everything I say because of that.
When I get upset enough or am getting yelled at sometimes it feels like i'm going to fall over.
When I get nervous about telling someone something it gets hard to breathe.
Some days I truly hate myself.
There is a side of me that almost no one has ever seen.
I have a violent side to me that I have learned to keep under control.
If I hadn't learned to control that side I would be an abusive person now.
I am constantly trying to change myself...
There is so much that no one knows about me that it scares me sometimes.
It makes me wish specific people would ask more.
........
...
Is it wrong to be afraid of yourself?

oh, and I'm the biggest hypocrite I know.