I feel like the lowest of the low.

I really do feel like shit.
I feel sick.
But it's more emotionally.
I finally admitted something to myself tonight.
And by doing that.
I admitted that almost a year of my life was a complete lie.
And I played with someones heart terribly.
But to try and fix that mistake.
I will never tell that person what I admitted to myself.
I really do feel like a scum bag.
I also put something else in words that i havn't been able to do yet.
And I don't think i'll ever be able to tell anyone other than who I told tonight.
Especially not the person it's about.
I just couldn't I don't think.
But I fucking hate keeping secrets from some specific people.
They know who they are.
But I will say this.
Though I don't think I could tell you about this.
I still wont lie.
I kind of want to talk to you about it a little.
But I don't think I can actually tell it to you.
You know who you are because you know for a fact that I havn't lied to you.
I don't know if I can sleep tonight.
I don't think I can face my dreams.
And i'm at someone elses house which is going to make this very hard.
And that fact alone makes me feel even worse.
Since her mom just woke up.