There are actually a lot of things that make me smile...

Mostly memories,
like...
Back when I was in track,
I was at school wearing my sweats,
and I pulled my head and arms in,
and pulled my legs into the hoodie,
and rolled around the field like that,
and rolled around the gym like that.
Also,
another time waiting for track practice with friends,
there was only maybe 4 of us in the gym,
what we did was we spun around in circles for a while,
until we got really really dizzy,
and then we would take off running!
we ended up running into walls,
into eachother,
and falling all over ourselves,
possibly one of my favorite memories.
Or back in cross country when I had this baby blue bra with feathers on it,
I had forgotten we had a meet that day and wore it,
and when I put my uniform on,
the feathers hung out of it and made bumps,
I ended up having to just run without a bra,
you know,
I never got it back from the friend I had hold onto it for me.
Oh,
and sneaking a friend of mine out of her math class on the second to last day of my sophmore year,
I had a friend go in a tell the teacher that the office needed her,
she hates her math class.
That time in 4th grade when our class had a 'trial',
and I was the defendants attourny,
and we actually won!
OR,
back in 8th grade when I used to be late to 4th period every day becayse I would hang around the 9th graders lunch,
when Saon and I would always run to eachother,
hug,
and fall down on the floor.
...
I miss how life used to be sometimes.
I want to make more good memories,
not ones of fighting,
and being anxious all the time,
but of playing,
being carefree for a little bit,
even sad memories are better than these stress filled ones i'm making,
where I feel split in two about almost everything,
I feel like i'm being turned into a skitzoid by my own friends and family!
Make it stop!
ugh.
I'm going to reminice with myself for a while of the good memories now.