This isn't even remotely a good feeling.

There are a few things that I have learned that really bother me.
I have only been to a handful of towns in my life.
This bugs the hell out of me.
If you know a lot about my tendencies,
and about how my mind works even a little.
You should understand why.
Also,
Any time I get shown the situation with a younger and older sister.
It makes me remember far to much.
Think far to much.
I don't even know if i've told you,
(the first person I gave this link to)
about my sister.
I don't remember what all i've told you really.
Oh,
the 12 year old will be gone when I get home tomrrow.
So will everyone else.
But they are dropping her off back home.
I wont see her again for a while.
I have my room back.
And in a week the season will start up finally.
Mom and I both think that things will be much better with her gone,
and me out of the house more.
Last night we left.
We were sick of him being a drunken idiot.
He wouldnt leave me alone when I was in my room crying.
When he told me to look at him I said no.
So instead of just crying then calming down,
he upset me more and drove me to doing the breathing thing.
Mom saw red.
So after everything that had been going on.
We left.
We went into town and stayed the night at moms friends house.
(whom said we could stay there any time,
i could go there whenever I needed to
and she would even come get me)
We ended up going back today.
But not until he said he would stop with the hard liquor.
Which is what makes him such an asshole drunk.
Mom finally told him how much I hate being around him when he is drunk.
When he is drunk.
He honestly disgusts me.
To the point where I don't want to talk to him.
Don't want to look at him.
Don't even want him to touch me.
Which is why I always try and leave when I know he is going to get drunk.
I just want this next week to get over with so I can go to band camp.
Once the season starts.
And school starts.
I will see my friends,
be out of the house,
and have much less time to over-think things.
I'm pretty sure things will be a lot better then.
I really want to pull my act together this year...
It is kinda late in the game to do this.
But it is better than just giving up.
Or to continue with getting C's and D's