Sister

I realized tonight,
that my sister may be the softest,
most vounerable thing about me.
I spend almost an hour crying today,
because she was brought up,
and actually talked about for once.
I found out that someone I know talks to her.
Typing this now even I can feel a pressure behind my eyes.
I just want to curl up agenced someone and fall asleep.
Or just lay there and mumble to eachother.
Something.
This sounds absolutley pathetic,
but I feel like I need someone else.
I hate feeling so relient.
It makes me to vounerable,
to weak.
God I miss her.
I don't even know how long it will be til I talk to her.
... or if I ever will be able to.

random access

I no longer feel comfertable in my own skin.
Thankfully it isn't the nagging, itching, horrendus feeling I used to have.
But this time it feels so much more permanent.
To much of the same thing.
No taste or hint of escape.
My own unwillingness or laziness standing in the way just as much as anything else.
I really need to work on myself.