I can't do it alone

3OH!3
i'm amazed that I like this group,
but I do,
quite a bit,
especially this song

Oh God, God, she's really done it now,
Coked up, her body's all spun around,
Oh yeah, yeah, she's really done it,
And seein' her just isn't something I can stomach,

Back it up, back it up,
If you talkin' shit to me,
Smack it up, smack it up,
If you act a bitch to me,
Stack it up, stack it up,
If you fuckin' rich as me,
My daddy owns a dealership,
The rest is fuckin' history

This ain't a love song (oh no),
This ain't a broken heart homie singin' only 'cause he's lonely,
This ain't a love song (oh, no, no, no),
This ain't a whiskey-drowned ballad,
There ain't nothing here that's valid,
So tell me baby, pretty baby, that this house is not a graveyard,
Tell me how to stay strong and carry you home,
Over corpses of her long-lost fathers and her unborn daughters,
God dammit, I just can't do it alone
I can't do it alone,
I can't do it alone,
No, I can't do it alone

Oh no, no, I'm not impressed with you,
Pink drinks that seem to get the best of you,
Rock late and sleep until the sun sets,
I'd talk but you took the tongue I talk with

Back it up, back it up,
If you talkin' shit to me,
Smack it up, smack it up,
If you act a bitch to me,
Stack it up, stack it up,
If you fuckin' rich as me,
My daddy owns a dealership,
The rest is fuckin' history

This ain't a love song (oh no),
This ain't a broken heart homie singin' only 'cause he's lonely,
This ain't a love song (oh, no, no, no),
This ain't a whiskey-drowned ballad,
There ain't nothing here that's valid,
So tell me baby, pretty baby, that this house is not a graveyard,
Tell me how to stay strong and carry you home,
Over corpses of her long-lost fathers and her unborn daughters,
God dammit, I just can't do it alone
I can't do it alone,
I can't do it alone,
No, I can't do it alone

I can call you out and complain the rain is worse,
But it's that much better if I blame it on a person,
I can call you out and complain the rain is worse,
But it's that much better if I blame it on a person

So tell me baby, pretty baby, that this house is not a graveyard,
Tell me how to stay strong and carry you home,
Over corpses of her long-lost fathers and her unborn daughters,
God dammit, I just can't do it alone
So tell me baby, pretty baby, that this house is not a graveyard,
Tell me how to stay strong and carry you home,
Over corpses of her long-lost fathers and her unborn daughters,
God dammit, I just can't do it alone

Random sad moment

So I wrote this a while ago, I decided to add to it...

Tell me...

that you aren't going to go away

that you wont make me pick sides

that you won't lie to me

that you won't hurt me

that it's ok to be scared

that you wont always be there

but that you'll try

that everything will be just fine

that love isn't hopeless

that hope isn't pointless

that i'm not crazy

that this pattern wont continue

that you really are my friend

that i'm not just some person to keep you entertained

that my secrets are safe

that i'm safe

that you believe in me

that you believe what I say

that you will talk to me

that you will sing with me

that you will dance with me

that you actually care what happens

that this isn't a game to you

that you wont be like the others

that I make you smile

that I'm actually helping

that I'm actually making a difference

that there is no reason for this feeling

that you are being honest

that you think of me

tell me the truth even if its bad

or at least admit and tell me that you are lying

No Bueno

So even though i'm happier than i've been in a long time,
i'm more unhealthy than i've been in months,
I've eaten a bowl of cereal in the last three days,
thats all,
and i only slept two hours last night
8:00am sleep time this time
up again at 10:00am
i've been working out in the sun,
and i'm a little shakey,
but I am drinking more water,
I was dehydrated for a day or so,
I'm not intentionally starving myself or anything,
none of that crap,
I just haven't been hungry,
so this morning I was hungry,
got a nice bowl of cheerios,
that and I knew I had to work,
I needed to eat something,
I just don't like eating when i'm not hungry,
anyways,
I desperately need a shower,
so i'm going to go do that,
and clean,
I need mother in a good mood tonight,
oh,
leaving the day after tomorrow,
wont be back for about two weeks,
i'm quite excited

This is new

So the past couple days,
despite being stressed about camp,
and scrambling to make everything work,
has been pretty damn amazing,
i'm quite content,
which is very rare,
I spend two days getting to know an amazing girl,
haven't gone to sleep early which makes me very happy,
I haven't had any nightmares,
mom has barely gotten mad at me,
I got to go on a beautiful hike,
was shown another gorgeous place in Shelton,
found a place where I want to go hide,
I can't believe how content I felt sitting there hidden,
Even though plans have been falling through new ones keep springing up,
got to spend time with poet which was amazing,
got her to climb a tree :)
Even the things that should damper my mood,
or normally would,
haven't,
i'm really beginning to enjoy this summer,
and I have an awsome two weeks ahead of me!

Late nights

So I haven't gone to sleep before 3:30am since I met her,
we stay up every night and talk,
6:30am
3:30am
5:30am
4:45am
That is pretty much when i've gone to sleep the past couple nights
Yesterday we went on a hike together,
one of the most beautiful places i've ever been,
it was funny,
during this hike we were just giving random facts about ourselves,
and I realized I had never touched her,
and I laughed about it,
so she grabbed my hand and held it while we walked and said,
'now you've touched me'
This all is going to get me into trouble,
so much is going on,
then she gets thrown at me,
and...
i'll never admit this out loud
but I kind of just want to drop all the other things,
the ones i've worked on for months,
for her.

...

I want to kiss her

bad idea.

Feeling deceitful

Yeah I like her,
yeah I crave the affection,
but I never saw this happening,
talk of surviving,
whispered words that trace around the word love,
I never asked for this,
I just want to break away,
I want to run,
I understand Poets feelings of wanting to run now,
I'm terrified,
I don't want this,
but I don't want to hurt her,
but i'm not responsible for her welfare,

Why the fuck do I have to try and save everyone?!

*scrubs theme*
I can't do this all on my own,
no I know,
i'm no superman.

I NEED TO STOP TRYING TO BE EVERYONES GUARDIAN ANGEL!

fuck,
I miss Angel...

Roses and Butterflies

I can see where you are
I can tell you're enjoying it so far
I would love to escape, but now I'm bound
By the burn of your eyes
Looking on as I'm starting to realize
I'm a pawn in your game, and this is checkmate

As the roses lift their heads to catch a glimpse of my demise
You'll be throwing lines around like ocean waves throw down the tides
And they are breaking on my shore
And the rescue team won't save me now, that I'm out too far
So I'll waste these nights for a while
But I'll be holding on to you forever
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
As I read the words you wrote last night, the butterflies are creeping through my spine

It's a thrill I can't shake
Yeah, I know we've been writing a mistake
But it's hard to erase the feelings I've drawn
I was caught in an awkward silence
Broken down by the sound of your prelude that you played to open our symphony

I've been sleeping with the sunrise watching hours pass away
Incidentally, I'm just waiting for the dusk to kill the day
And now I'm waiting for your call
While I bang on this piano like you care at all
So I'll waste these nights for a while
But I'll be holding on to you forever
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
As I hear the words you're saying tonight, I'm falling for them every single time

As the roses dip their heads a little further to the ground
There's a season change, and all the pinks and whites have turned to brown
Will we make it through the fall?
Yeah, are we gonna make it through this fall?
'Cause I don't wanna fall with you

So I'll waste these nights for a while
But I'll be holding on to you forever
(I'm trying, we're dying, yeah)
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
I'm taken by your hope-filled lines
They're well-designed and dragging me along
I'll be waiting for this chance and I'll be gone

I'm sorry

I don't mean to hide well,
it's for my own self defence,
I hate being vounerable,
I run away just like you do,
just not to the same extent,
I don't mean to hide from you,
it just happens,
I hide from you less than anyone else if that helps,
you know i'll answer almost any question you ask me.

I'll never admit this

The Postal Service reminds me of you,
and i'll never tell you that,
nor will I ever tell you how much I care for you,
my one actual secret,
even if I say it here,
it doesn't matter,
cause even if you see it,
you wont know i'm talking about you,
I've becoming really good at hiding things.

Eleven and a half hours

I'm not even going to attempt to explain the happenings of my absence from blogging here,
the story will be told in time through newer posts,
anyways,
I went to the gay pride parade,
and in doing so I actually got the guts up to ask for numbers from the people I wanted to get to know better,
I started texting on person at 6:27pm yesterday and didn't stop until she passed out texting at 5:42am.
Eleven and a half hours,
i've never talked to someone that long,
then at noon when she woke back up her text said
'ready for round two?'
today has been suprisingly good :)


'What Beautiful Is' by Aaron Rothe,
Poet, listen to it, I think you'll like it