Rambled thoughts and pressured lies

Relapsed,
it felt good,
I want to keep going,
but at the same time I don't,
I was proud of myself,
but the satisfaction I got,
I miss that,
taking my anger out on myself instead of someone else,
all my frustrations and pain on my own skin,
instead of on someone else's emotions,
burned like a bitch in swimming today though,
that kinda sucked,
but at the same time I didn't mind too much,
also,
I have to tell her whats going on,
it finally boiled over in me,
all these things that I have been internalizing for two months,
now I have to admit them,
I took all my rings off last night,
and put them away,
put away my necklaces,
the bracelets,
took all the hoodies off my bed,
put away my teddy bear,
grabbed my frog and tried to sleep,
it was hard to not have my hoodies,
harder than I thought it would be,
but I did it,
I think I needed to prove to myself that I could,
I don't know if i'm going to put any of it back though...
I'm not sure,
I guess i'll wait and see