So much...

I haven't felt the urge to write here for a long time,
and even when I did too many people were around and I didn't want to risk this being found,
if anyone in my house found this or anyone who I didn't give it to,
I would be devastated,
even now as i'm typing,
I am afraid to say what i'm really thinking because I gave this link to someone last night,
but I promised myself I would write here like no one was reading,
so here goes,
I went to the Dr. today after being sick for around 2 months,
she is assuming it's mono,
they wont give me the test though,
which honestly pisses me off,
cause if i don't have mono then what is wrong with me,
and if I don't have mono things would be different,
besides,
having mono is making me feel dirty all over again,
i'm going to have to remember to not drink before people,
i'm going to have to be more aware of people that try to randomly kiss me,
i'm not going to be able to kiss who I want,
this is all incredibly frustrating,
however on a different note,
I found out something today...
my star is joining the same guard I am joining this summer...
this makes things... complicated,
you see,
my star has no idea about my soldier,
and my soldier is going to be in the same group as well...
I'm not entirely sure what i'm going to do about this...
ugh