Past, Present, Future...

Days like this fuck with my head,
as much as I wish I could say they didn't
these days where I look back
at all the things i've said and done
the things i've experienced,
the people i've loved
all the little memories I still hold onto so tightly
i was asked today what made that one love so special
the reason why i say they were my first true love,
we all have those obsessive loves,
where we are young and foolish
and it is nothing but obsession,
but this my first real love,
that was so much more than a simple obsession,
plans to give everything up,
whispered secrets,
someone knowing you better than you ever thought possible,
knowing that you only need to say one word,
and they say everything you need to hear.
it makes me wonder if they realize how much they meant to me,
how much they still mean to me in a way...
Does she know that i'll never stop loving her completely,
that every once in a while my heart wrenches at the thought of not seeing her ever again
all of my past love/obsessions/people are elsewhere now,
but the distance only matters for one.
It's funny how I torment myself more than anyone knows,
deep inside this skull of mine,
with all these things from my past,
making my ribcage feel like it is collapsing,
but of course the best thing is,
She barely remembers I exist,
ain't that a bitch heh.
As conceited as this is,
i want to be someones world.
I want that kind of love,
i miss that kind of love...
i'm pathetic